Albion Park — In surprising news coming out of IFFA HQ, sources indicate that the traditional post-it note system long thought to be in place for the family empire’s succession has been abandoned, in favour of rehabilitation trusts to be established for lapsed football players and supporters.
The decision, described by one insider as “characteristically generous and faintly menacing,” marks the end of an era at IFFA, where the order of inheritance had reportedly been governed for decades by a single adhesive note affixed to precious items throughout the empire.
At the top of the list of losses for the assumed heir, the eldest son, is the supply of highly flavoured and aged master stocks hidden deep within the refrigeration systems and cheese caves at Number 5.
“The master stocks were never promised to anyone. But I think we can all agree the next generation should earn their broth.”
McLaughlin made the remark at the press conference while declining to confirm how many cheese caves the family currently maintains.
Under the new arrangement, lapsed supporters will be eligible for graduated re-entry to the football community, beginning with supervised highlights packages and culminating in full match attendance.